The Valley Of Fear, Part One, Or: Banned On Account Of String Crimes

DESPITE THE BEST EFFORTS of 2019 and A LITERAL CRIMINAL, we are BACK and here to tell you about A THPOOKY VALLEY, which is presumably where that gross ranch dressing comes from. Who murdered this gentle yuppie in his gaudy forest castle? Which network will be brave enough to give us a sitcom about My Three Detectives sharing an apartment? WHEN WILL A WOMAN IN ONE OF THESE STORIES GET A FRIGGIN' NAME?

Free e-text of this week's story: http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/3289

Free audio of this week's story: https://librivox.org/the-valley-of-fear-version-3-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/

The Detective Soup of the Week is: Drawbridge Duck Broth

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The Adventure Of The Dying Detective, Or: Fulla Dippindots And Mischief

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THE DEATH OF SHERLOCK HOLMES, MAYBE! Has Holmes met his match? Has the bond of friendship and brotherhood been stretched too far? Has Holmes FINALLY done too much heroin that, admittedly, Watson legally prescribed to him because the past was RIDICULOUS? Tune in this week and find out!

Free e-text of this week's story: http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/2347

Free audio of this week's story: https://librivox.org/his-last-bow-version-3-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/

This week's unused episode titles:

-Waltersobchakheit

-Knickknacks and Gewgaws and Gimcracks

-What’s In That Satchel

-My Private Redbubble

The Detective Soup of the Week is: Malingering Miso

The Final Podblem: The Adventure Of The Second Stain, Or: Quiddled It But Good

The Baker Street Bois are called upon to find a letter that has the power to break the world as they know it! Which one was it?! Was it G? WE NEVER TRUSTED G, IT COULD BE KEEPING ANYTHING UNDER THAT LITTLE SHELF. Also a shoutout to a legitimate publication whose good graces we have SOMEHOW lucked into, Nick demonstrates the process by which capitalism drives the translation of everything creative and unique about a person into sweet lucre, and Casey never finishes telling us what he learned about Bees.

Free e-text of this week's story:
http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/108

Free audio of this week's story:
https://librivox.org/the-return-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle-2/

The Detective Soup of the Week is: Lentil Lestrade

The Final Podblem: Holmes and Watson Or: Now THAT's What I Call Romantic Autopsy Music

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Due to ties of blood that appear to be unbreakable despite our legal team's best efforts, we were bound this week to watch 2018's Holmes & Watson. THRILL as we attempt to figure out how many scripts it was cobbled together from! CHILL as we try to scrape together as many complimentary things to say about it as we can, such as "not as racist as it could be", "a tight 90 minutes" and "a movie"! SPILL as you realize your nearby beverage wasn't as securely positioned as you thought and now your leg is covered in SoBe, and soon the ants will come!

Free link to this week's movie: Honestly we have one, but even 'free' is too expensive for this, trust us.

The Detective Soup Of The Week Is: Breaking And Entering Borscht

The Final Podblem: The Sussex Vampire, Or: Prime Howlin'-Time

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Holmes and Watson meet with a challenge that they have no choice but to admit they aren't qualified for: salvaging an 8-page story where dogs get names but women don't. Also, the boys discuss small Belgian dog and large lycanthropes with peer-pressure issues; we realize that's three separate dogs, which is a lot for one episode description, but we worked with what we were given.

Free e-text of this week's story: https://www.dfw-sherlock.org/uploads/3/7/3/8/37380505/1924_january_the_adventure_of_the_sussex_vampire.pdf

Free audio of this week's story: https://librivox.bookdesign.biz/book/111099

The Detective Soup of the Week is: Nosferatu Gnocchi

The Final Podblem: The Adventure Of The Dancing Men, Or: Now I'm Bones Again

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ATTACK OF THE BOOGIEMEN! Holmes and Watson investigate a plague of wee guys going ooga-chaka, Nick rates the punchability of the people who were in the theatre when he saw the Downton Abbey movie, the shocking secret origins of Casey's love for codes is revealed and we finally manage to go an entire episode without inventing a new animal mascot, mainly because we're joined by Nick's cat Strider.

Free e-text of this week's story:

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/108/108-h/108-h.htm

Free audio of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/the-return-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle-2/

The Final Podblem: The Adventure of the Priory School, Or: Cartography For Fun And JUSTICE

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A child is stolen, a german is dead, a man who sounds like someone Casey would make up needs a cookie, rich people have ridiculous problems, we learn even more about bicycles and the surprising origins of a popular Energy Potion, and wait, did we invent ANOTHER animal mascot? How does this keep happening? WE CAN'T AFFORD THE WARDROBE FOR THESE FANCY FURRY AND FEATHERY FRIENDS.

The Detective Soup of the Week is: Grievous Bodily Harm Gazpacho

Free e-text of this week's story:

https://sherlock-holm.es/stories/pdf/a4/1-sided/prio.pdf

Free audio of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/the-return-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle-2/

Find and support us on Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/Semiautomagic and support us to get episodes a week early and exclusive bonus content!

The Final Podblem: The Six Napoleons, Or: The Urban Crime-Tige

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Eyyy, crimes-a-matta-for-you, eh?

In which Italians get more flack than even Casey thinks they deserve, the Lion of Napoli gets his melon-dome cracked open like a whole bunch of times, we ABSOLUTELY FREAK OUT about birds for a while, and the boys make every conceivable pun involving the word 'bust' except that soundbite from Pee-Wee's Playhouse because we couldn't get the rights.

The Detective Soup of the Week is: Mulligatawny Misdemeanor

Free e-text of this week's story:

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/108

Free audio of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/the-return-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle-2/

Copy of The Final Podblem: The Five Orange Pips, Or: Pro-Sasquatch Agenda

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Your favorite cheetah-dads and special guest star Dylan Spencer of Dice & Virtue fame embark on an adventure you never knew you needed until just now: SHERLOCK HOLMES VERSUS THE KKK.

Also, we learn about a missile mystery in Minsk, the difference between Uncle Florida and Florida Uncle and find some deeply unsettling historical truths in research that we kind of wish we hadn't done now!

Free e-text of this week's story:

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1661

Free audio of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/the-adventures-of-sherlock-holmes-version-4-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/

The Final Podblem: The Solitary Cyclist, Or: The Bastard Tax

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The boys read a story that tells you why you should always leave women the frig alone on their commutes and also never literally play cards for ownership of them, we learn the surprisingly interesting history of the bicycle and its role in modern feminism, and meet the newest member of the Podblem Posse: Fortunio, the Modern Chicken In The City! It's--there's a lot, you guys.

Text of this week's story:

https://sherlock-holm.es/stories/pdf/a4/1-sided/soli.pdf

Audio of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/the-return-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/

The Final Podblem: The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton, Or: A Fleet Of Security Turtles

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Holmes and Watson face off against their fiercest foe yet, a man who threatens to unravel the very fabric of Victorian society with a weapon against which they have no defense: evidence of things they absolutely said and did. Also: horrifying vintage postcards, the origins of the athletic shoe as crimewear, snorting your way to better night-vision, and an exclusive review of the new 1904 burgling kits!

The Detective Soup of the Week is: Three-Bean Blackmail

Free e-text of this week's story:

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/108


Free audio of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/the-return-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/

The Final Podblem: The Adventure Of The Beryl Coronet, Or, Swanboat Adjacent Benihana

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 Sherlock and Holmes find a client who fell down and lost his crown, and Nick and Casey discuss swanboat logistics, lizard wizards, what it means to receive a mug declaring you World's Best Frenemy, the genetic configuration referred to as the Smaug Sequence, the holy symbol of the trickster-god Harold Hill, and HYPERVINTELUTION.

Free e-text of this week's story:

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1661?source=post_page---------------------------

Free audio of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/the-adventures-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle-2/

The Final Podblem: The Read Headed League, or: What If Holmes, But Crime?

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 The chapdudeladbois discuss being ginger for fun and profit, what the  hell a Raffles is, how capitalism turns adherence to the law into a  luxury not everyone can afford, and the finer points of objectively  insane Minnesotan vernacular. Also, Nick shares his very own real-life  Minute of Deduction and Casey is literally as wrong about how this story  ends as it is possible to be, like it's almost kind of impressive how  backwards he got it.

The Detective Soup of the Week is: Suspicious Delicious.


Free e-text of this week's story:
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1661/1661-h/1661-h.htm

Free audio of this week's story:
https://librivox.org/the-red-headed-league-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/?fbclid=IwAR00iMnMjb_bbCpcecDPKkwT-u9tdAdX4bEOdjyny_vBkVfDOGTVIVnMLmM

The Final Podblem: The Adventure Of The Speckled Band

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Or: Cheetah BIG Cat, This Too Smol!

British Bigfoot throws a blacksmith in a brook, and other less  alliterative occurrances! Assault with a deadly critter! The latest in  stupid architecture! A new candidate for Parliament is spottéd! Nick  tells us whether or not there are snakes and whether those snakes need  the cheese left off their burgers or whether they're kinda making a big  deal out of nothing.

Free e-text of this week's story:

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1661/1661-h/1661-h.htm

Free audio of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/the-adventure-of-the-speckled-band-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/

The Final Podblem: The Adventure Of Noble Bachelor, Or, Nothing Says Love Like Illegal Bones

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The guys (Feat. Celebrated Local Cat Denmark J. Cat) discuss a story where almost nothing actually happens, Holmes and Lestrade solve the case of the Knife Alien, Nick recommends a movie where Alfred Pennyworth solves crimes with the bad guy from The Boxtrolls, America returns some blood it borrowed, and Casey fails to invent the word 'creationship' just when he needs it most.

Free e-text of this week's story:

https://sherlock-holm.es/stories/pdf/a4/1-sided/nobl.pdf

Free audiobook of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/the-adventures-of-sherlock-holmes/

The Final Podblem: A Scandal In Bohemia, Or, Waiting For The Sun To Blink

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What  would scare a king so badly that he sought the help of professional  jack's-ass and amateur sleuth Sherlock and his Holmie Watson? What was  Abraham Lincoln hiding from the American People under that hat? What the  hell is a sex-mink, and is owning a coat made out of one even legal, or  do you HAVE to be a king to get away with that kind of thing? The  answers to all these and more, plus Nick's recipes for impossible  beverages, the secret origins of sunglasses, and why men are truly their  own worst enemy this week on the thing! This thing! You know the thing I  mean.

Free e-text of this week's story:

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1661


Free audiobook of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/the-adventures-of-sherlock-holmes-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/

The Final Podblem: A Study In Scarlet Part Two, Or, ESCAPE FROM MORMONIA (With Special Guest Scout The Cat)

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The guys wonder if they've accidentally picked up the novelization of American Horror Story: Salt Lake City, Nick is a real sport about Casey talking too much religion, we discover that Watson is from Mars and Holmes is from Venus, and two dudes to whom crime is least statistically likely to happen try to figure out society's obsession with True Tales of Murder.

Free e-text of this week's story:
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/244/244-h/244-h.htm

Free audiobook of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/a-study-in-scarlet-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/

The Final Podblem: A Study In Scarlet Part One, Or, Holmes And Watson's First Date

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A wounded healer and the original defective detective have a meet-cute at a meat-cut, Casey and Nick trade crab-care tips, Nick tells us why calling someone a 'street Arab' is absolutely racist but not for the reasons you'd think and Arthur Conan Doyle meets a whale!

Free e-text of this week's story:
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/244/244-h/244-h.htm

Free audiobook of this week's story:

https://librivox.org/a-study-in-scarlet-by-sir-arthur-conan-doyle/